whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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