his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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