I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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