I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
