I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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