Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
