your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We just shotgunned beers for America
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
