According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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