I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
