just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
