If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
