remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
