whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
