Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
