my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish you could order shots online.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
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Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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