I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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