now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
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its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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