never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
