So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
