One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
