and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
