So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
