My friends, they love my intelligence
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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