You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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