What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
