Welp...herpes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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