You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
