i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
