Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
