On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i believe in u and ur pee
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