You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
