Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
