I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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