I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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