my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
