Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
