he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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