I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
