So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
