My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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