He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize