Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
