still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
