just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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