Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
