so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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