I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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