People in love make me want to vomit
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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