weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
