he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to clothing optional bar
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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