I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I cut my penus on the lid.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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