god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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