my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
worst night to have a conscience
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
