There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
