omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I lost the right to judge tonight
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
