dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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