I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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