My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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