4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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