he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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